And ugly indeed. Sadists, malcontents, deviants, and degenerates populate the stories. Only occasionally do sunbeams of light push back the evil. It's crime, more often than not from the criminal's perspective. A couple are stomach churning, but most are visceral entertainment to be consumed like candy.
The collection kicks off with “The Steel Valentine”. Vendetta porn, a man tortures his wife’s lover in a unique way, but, as so many bad guys do in the movies, leaves a certain door open. “Driving to Geronimo’s Grave” is a road adventure for two teens in Depression era. Sent to collect the corpse of their deceased uncle, the result is a rough and tumble adventure dripping with colloquial flavor. A one-off that really doesn't have a place in this collection, “Mr. Bear” jumps the shark in telling of a celebrity Smokey the Bear with far more vices than virtues. One of those stories “let’s see where this idea goes”, it might get a laugh, but not much more. “The Job” is edgy flash fiction about the scum of the Earth, in this case a man impersonating Elvis.
One of the best stories in the collection, “Six Finger Jack” is about a hitman who goes on a job in the remote woods, hoping to cash in on six figures. The job is Six Finger Jack, but that isn't the only anomaly. In “The Shadows, Kith, and Kin” Lansdale tries to get inside the head of a mass shooter. Given the plethora of info available today on mass shooters, the titular metaphor only takes the story so far, and in fact makes it feel like going through the motions rather than semi-realistic psychology. Another spot of flash fiction, “Ears” gets the heart racing. If holiday crime fiction is a thing, then “Santa at the Café”. About a Santa impersonator with more malevolent intentions, this gimmick of story ends in robbery, and more.
Something resembling Natural Born Killers, “I Tell You It’s Love” briefly explores connection between sex and violence from two lovers’ pov. A change of style (compared to the rest of the stories in the collection), Lansdale ops for a poetic layering rather than straight forward gas. A supernatural private eye story in the classic vein, “Dead Sister” tells about a woman who believes her sisters grave is being disturbed by vandals. Lovecraftian-ish horror ensues. Readers' mileage will vary on that.
A fast paced, zag-then-zig tale of people up to no good, “Booty and the Beast” features crossing, double crossing, and triple crossing, all for a suitcase of gold deep in woods of Texas. “Boys Will Be Boys” is a horror tale about two teens causing psychopathic trouble. Killing cats is just the beginning. This is one of the overtly darkest stories I've ever read, and not for the feint of heart. Another dark, disturbing story though a bit more self-reflective, “The Phone Woman” tells of a man who one day has a homeless woman knock and ask to use the phone. He lets her, and soon after she’s having a fit on the floor, flashing her naked body. Weirdness ensues.
The best story in the collection is ““Dirt Devils”. Some 30s'-style gangsters stop at a dust bowl fuel station to fill up. While the action does ultimately extend beyond the station, Lansdale is able to generate palpable tension from the most basic of dialogue and scene setting—the mark of a true storyteller. “Drive in Date” tells of two teens at the drive-in movies with sex on their mind. Trouble is, it's not sex resembling anything normalcy. This is another very dark story that has me wondering about Lansdale's mental health. (Don't worry Joe; your children seem well adjusted, which is always a sign good ol' dad is normal.)
The penultimate story is “Incident On and Off a Mountain Road”. It tells - While trying to generate tension through an extended chase scene, I'm not sure how well the scene setting complements intentions. A nice note to close the collection, “The Projectionist” tells of a small town, simple man who runs the local movie theater's film projector. Thing is, his life is not as innocent as it seems or sounds. A just but dark past, it comes back to confront him with a difficult choice.
In the end, Things Get Ugly is a decent collection of stories. In the introduction, Lansdale writes that short fiction is his favorite form. But where bits of brilliance are scattered throughout the pages, overall the collection does not showcase his strongest writing. Regardless, the collection is a spot of fun. Most stories shorter in length, they flash, bang, then on to the next.
The following are the nineteen stories contained in Things Get Ugly:
“The Steel Valentine”
“Driving to Geronimo’s Grave”
“Mr. Bear”
“The Job”
“Six Finger Jack”
“The Shadows, Kith and Kin”
“The Ears”
“Santa at the Café”
“I Tell You It’s Love”
“Dead Sister”
“Booty and the Beast”
“Boys Will Be Boys”
“Billie Sue”
“The Phone Woman”
“Dirt Devils”
“Drive in Date”
“Rainy Weather”
“Incident On and Off a Mountain Road”
“The Projectionist”
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