Whether
tracked mentally or written down, I assume Terry Pratchett had a list
of topics he wanted to present through the unique lens of the Disc.
And he got through dozens upon dozens of these topics. Readers knew
football / soccer / foot-the-ball had to be there somewhere on the
list, and indeed in the thirty-seventh novel up it popped in
Unseen
Academicals (2009). A topic beloved by millions if not billions,
one can only assume Pratchett was waiting til he had the right story,
the right combination of ingredients, to do the sport justice in
Discworld. Let's see what they were.
The
portions plying the pot of Unseen Academicals are: ten cups of
wizard, one stein of goblin, two hurlyhoos of female Unseen
University kitchen staff, various dashes and splashes of Ankh-Morpork
streetlife, the unpeeled onion of Veterinari, oh, and one, large
orange librarian (with banana). The spice setting the stew afire is
the discovery of a certain pornographic vase at Unseen University
featuring ancient men at play in foot-the-ball. A set of gentlemanly
rules discovered inside the vase, Veternari makes the case that
foot-the-ball needs to be converted from a pie-eating,
tooth-knocking, rough-housing affair on Ankh-Morpork's streets to the
next level of respectability; it needs proper goals and a field
judge. He asks the wizards to field a new team and stage an
exhibition match. Away we go!
