There are
a lot of lists defining the best science fiction of all time. Top 100 this, Best of that. But I’ve yet to come across a list of Bottom
100, or Worst of. While certainly
everyone’s Most Terrible SF list would be different, there would be crossover
material. Having just finished Philip
Francis Nowlan’s “Armageddon 2419 A.D.,” I can’t help but think it would
occur more than a few times.
Caught in
a coal mine collapse and kept in a state of suspension by the gases released,
Rip van Winkle—I mean, Anthony Rogers—awakens to the year 2419 to discover that
things are not what they once were. The
US having fragmented due to poor leadership and lack of work ethic, Mongolia
has risen to take its place as world super power. Emerging from the cave into the middle of a gang
battle in Wyoming, Rogers is quickly picked up by an army enclave, and before
long is asked to put to work his ingenuity with weapons and strategy to assist
the guerrilla resistance effort. As the
title subtly implies, war ensues.
But the
novella can be expressed in different terms, as well: info dump, info dump, bit
of action, expression of author’s political beliefs, explosion, info dump,
expression of author’s political beliefs, bit of action, info dump, bit of
action, info dump, bit of action, fizzled conclusion, end. Nowlan the opposite of a born writer, this
concatenation of events is the gist of the three hours I spent listening to the
recording of “Armageddon - 2419 A.D.” on Librivox.
I first
learned about “Armageddon 2419 A.D.” from a blog post (that of course I can not find again) which declared
the novella to be science fiction’s version of “The Eye of Argon”. For those unaware, Argon is oft cited as the
worst specimen of fantasy ever created.
(In today’s world of self-publishing, I’m sure there is much stiffer
competition, however.) Such a citing is
also, of course, to pique one’s interest.
Having now
read “Armageddon 2419 A.D.,” I’m inclined to say the blogger was on to
something. The ‘prose’ is not as shitty as
“Eye of Argon” but certainly is far, far from anything resembling good; the
author’s voice is in the reader’s face throughout (it stinks of right wing
tuna); character, plot, and action are paper thin; and the actual story is told
to the reader rather than shown—‘explained’ perhaps a better word than
‘told.’ One must really scrape the
bottom of the barrel to find a compliment.
“It’s short.” already taken,
I’ll have to go with “At least Nowlan
presented an empowered version of Mongolia.
They are sorely due for better representation in science fiction.”
I hope the
next line doesn’t come off insulting as it’s not intended to be, but,
“Armageddon 2419 A.D.” is an incredibly male story. Preachy in its politics, patronizing of
women, nearly completely lacking in character interaction, grand in its world
dominance schemes, and endlessly creative in terms of new ways to shoot, kill,
and otherwise blow stuff up, there is no doubt which sex wrote the story. There could have been a girl playing with
Nowlan in the sandbox as he wrote the novella, but certainly he took no
interest in what she had to say as he obliviously smashed his toy soldiers
together—Bang! Smash! (“Hee hee!” he said after.)
In the
end, “Armageddon 2419 A.D.” is a small load of poorly written sci-fi fluff. Like Bobby High School’s creative writing
assignment (rushed and turned in late, at that), there’s little to comment on
save “Look how far we’ve come in science
fiction”(at least some writers, that is).
Interestingly, the two writers who popped into mind reading the novella
are Robert Heinlein, particularly for the military parallels (tech and
politics) in Starship Troopers, and
Cory Doctorow and his "There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow/Now Is the Best Time of Your Life" for its naïve, toy soldier view of the world and
generally unpolished presentation.
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