Culture Corner: Student Cover Letters

Not as funny as the their resumes (found here: Part I, Part II, Part III), nonetheless here are some quotes from my Chinese students' cover letters, the former McDonald's waiter taking the cake.  (Certainly Google’s translator was working overtime for these assignments.)
 

"I believe I can become a successful to this society.  So, I want to get this job.  Please give it to me.  I will return you a surprise!"

"When services the computer, exchanges the computer better operating procedure and the maintenance method with the technical personnel."

"I thinking work in an organization can contribute much better to a better understanding of the solutions of the question and problem." 

"In spite of being very busy thanks you read my resume, gave me one time to advance to the successful opportunity!  Chang Ting some people sighed with emotion some good luck to arriver causes him on with the before dissimilar life.  What but I thought: He the day has now all are the results which actually strive for diligently."

"I am sincere and trustworthy person is the basic norms"

"I think I can apply you company require and I will work Well."

"Pass all the subjects." (On his resume, this student listed a GPA of 1.8 out of 4.0.)

"Have helped plan some minor cases, the successes of which have failed so from the benefits."

"Work on KFC for a half year.  I only clean table and pull the floor.  It was not very tired.  I think it was well.  So I worked there for a few time."

"Assistant superrisor IN McDonald's Wuxi – Fire potato chips"

"I graducated from Lambton College, my specialty are Financing and Banking."

"Work experience AS a waiter in McDonald (2 weeks, no pay, write menu, carry things, dancing outside the door)"

"Worked as a typist in a company for two months in the summer holiday.  It's very busy over there, but I keep unremitting."

And finally, one girl whose cover letter needs to be included in its entirety:

            "I want to go to a company.  The company called Calvin Klein.

            I am a gril.  I like fashion very much.  In the every day life I always watch tv or surfing the Intrnet to look the everything of fashion.

            I most like prfume.  I know more and more kinds of perfume, I not only know the kinds, but I also know the efficacy of them.

            I think if I join some cultivate the regular.  I think I will overall know the knowledge of perfume.  I also love this work very much, if I get this job, I will do the best."

"Play vollege" and "Dress myself" were the skills this student felt pertinent enough to list on her resume.

THE END

Culture Corner: Student Resumes - Part III

And the final post of excerpts from the “Skills and Experience” section of my students’ resumes (Part I is here, and Part II is here):

Outstanding enough to make new friends

know how to help others to solve terribles

Know some features about girl and how to get along well with the other people.  It's an important "technical".

Talent skilld of communicating

Have a good taste of grape wine

Can fix litter machines (This inspires so many jokes about China...)

Have many unforgettable experience

I want to many places.  So I know many about tourism things.

Understand our specialized course and powerful with judgment

Eat all delicious food  

Humor make people happy

Also to be the header of people

Designed the blue paiting of the near future (Amazingly, Carlos Santana is not on any playlist I found in China...)

"Supported my friends decisions" which was immediately followed by: "Persuaded my friend to change her idea"

Studied hard hometown language from my roommate

Evaluated employees in their jibs  (Isn't 'jib' a sailing word?)

Controlled my emotion in enticement (Morals count for something, don't they?)

Wrote some information clealy

Some basic practice for food

Have worked for a toggory for two month at summer holiday ("Toggory", anyone?)

Nail color

Let other people in suitable occasion render you evaluate (Yes...)

Can use discarded material to make clothes (I suggest this girl arrange a date with the litter machine repairman.)

I can dance new-style  (Who can't?!?!?)

The purity of Chinese university students has never been on such display as it has these past three posts.  On one hand it's easy to poke fun at their lack of experience and ability to relate to the "real-world", but on the other, who wouldn't want to live so easy and free, floating dreamily along in a cloud of innocence, life nothing more than the friends around you and the fun you're having...

THE END

(Part I is here, and Part II is here)

Culture Corner: Student Resumes - Part II

More excerpts from the "Skills and Experience" section of my students' resumes.  (Part I is here and Part III is here.)

Make less about loss

know much about knowledge (Radical skeptic?)

 

Keeping a functional state (Just covering the basics…)

I had got two praises

Good at showing interesting something (My curiosity is piqued, yours?)

Do odds and ends in a posh restaurant

Work in Mickey department (Who doesn't?)

Can do very well at breaking stubborn thinking

Carry something in a factory (Modest or arrogant?)

Be confused in myself  (Also found on George W. Bush's resume...)

Active in gentle exercise

 

logicality diffusing nature thought

The ability of dealing with burst errors is great

Roller coaster (This is literally all the student wrote under "skills".)

Fixed some broken things (Electron microscopes or mouse traps?)

Possess a wide range of knowledge about almost everything (Almost, almost…)

The character is strengthened

Persuasion of words (Isn't it obvious?)

Know the fashion news about how to dress the clothes

Jurisprudence

To do everything in mind

Introduce the chocolates' delicious

Keep sober when I n trouble

Attend to face a new evening party to Bike trial to perform

Everyday I decorate a few homework and then discover his defect

The society respects

Know how difficult my parents get wage

The fifth in drag of war of university's sports meeting

Go to geracomium to help old people (I tried a few online dictionaries, but I couldn't find "geracomium."  Either this student has a brilliant imagination or their electronic dictionary is a bit scrambled.)

Worked as a ordinary worker

Sketch a picnic

Had a little knowledge about driving. (Dare we ask where it went without stirring up bad memories?)

End of Part II

(Part I is here and Part III is here.)

Culture Corner: Student Resumes - Part I

One of the classes I'm teaching this semester is JSS100 - Job Search and Success.  It is certainly Chinese that I should be asked to teach first year university students with no relevant education or work experience how to write a resume and cover letter.  With no other choice, I asked them to search deep within themselves for professional experience and character traits to fill a one page resume.  This resulted in some highly comical English.  I hope they'll forgive me – I'm not making fun of them individually, but taken at face value, the following "skills and experience" noted in their resumes are too funny not to pass along.   (I've transcribed them word for word, letter for letter, and punctuation mark for mark.  I hope you’ll also forgive my comments, I couldn’t resist.)

Have intelligent of brain

Good obesity of communication

I was judged by hardworking vanguard  (This is the best proof any student offered me as to why I should hire them.)

Employee experience in business company  (Well, I have no further questions.)

Can skilled use computer skills

Maked flash (Voyeur or photographer?)

proficient in collecting and giving off documents  (Thank goodness it's not odors.)

spread knowledge and news

Good abinity of    communication   (The irony of this is, of course, entirely lost on the student.)

Can make something

Taken care of men in home for the aged senior's home

Be a operator at cram school

When I am child, I have worked as the farmer

I can cook food, I think delicious

Remembered and writted quickly (The irony, the irony…)

I have many strange and useful ways about administration (Shooting for the moon...)

Be calm when have suddenly things

I like the feel of shoot baskets and backboard (Valuable skill in any corporate sector.)

In my high school nobody hates me (Enough said, give that person a job!)

Work as a saler in a computer shop (Much better if this ended with "…on the Black Pearl.")

Help the people who is in the old yard

END of Part I

(Part II is here, and Part III is here.)